I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
