Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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