On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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