Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
