I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
