false alarm. still invincible.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
