I cut my penus on the lid.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You were trust falling into bushes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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