hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
