we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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