Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
