During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
