Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
