I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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