You're a womanizer and a bitch.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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