I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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