I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
