When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
