I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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