I like to think it a success when the cops are called
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's shark week go big or go home
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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