Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
