Betty ford says i'm here all night
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
