I used to practice getting hit by cars.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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