i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
