Barsexuality is the new black.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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