I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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