I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
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