God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize