so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The uberlube is also flammable
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
