I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
