Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.