I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon