oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
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i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
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He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.