god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish I could teleport
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
