It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
