Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
