Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
