omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did you pee in the oven last night??
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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