Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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