I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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