I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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