I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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