Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
