# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
