yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
