If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
