Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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