i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
