I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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