just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
