hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
