I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize