I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
