Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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