She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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