I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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