he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
