I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
