So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
