dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
