I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
