More tranny stories later!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
