I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
