Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
