well you can't waste a boner
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
