Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
