I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
