You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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